Rethinking Masculinity: On "How to Be a 'Real' Man" with Lilly Sing and Guest Nikhil Taneja

I am happy to learn about vlogger, Lilly Sing, whose body of work includes her powerful and timely conversations, including this one with Nikhil Taneja on How to Be a 'Real' Man. It’s a refreshingly honest deep dive into the weight of patriarchy—not just as a system that oppresses women and gender-diverse individuals, but as one that also harms men by stifling their emotional expression and humanity. 

Taneja, a writer, producer, and passionate mental health advocate, speaks with raw vulnerability about the crushing expectations of traditional gender roles and how they have shaped—and often warped—his understanding of self.

What stands out is how the episode reframes masculinity not as something fixed or biologically determined, but as a performance enforced through generations of social conditioning. Taneja reflects on how boys are taught to “man up,” to suppress fear, tenderness, and grief—lessons that often calcify into emotional repression. The courage it takes to unlearn this is not trivial. He articulates, with great sensitivity, the very real fear that comes with opening up: fear of being judged, dismissed, or worse, of facing social or even physical retaliation. The vulnerability of which he speaks is not only compelling—it’s transformative.

This episode also serves as a potent counter-narrative to the hypermasculine “bro culture” that continues to dominate media, politics, and everyday life. Such culture glorifies aggression, domination, and emotional detachment, perpetuating a narrow and ultimately destructive vision of what it means to be a man. In contrast, Singh and Taneja offer a liberatory path—one grounded in empathy, critical self-reflection, and emotional truth-telling.

This isn’t just about redefining masculinity; it’s about dismantling the toxic legacies we inherit and forging space for healing. Enough with the narrow prescriptions and hidden rules of culture that are so confining to all. Whether rooted in patriarchy, colonialism, or caste-based expectations, these scripts rob us of our fullness. This conversation is a call to dismantle them—for everyone’s sake. It reminds us that true strength lies not in emotional stoicism but in the radical act of being real—of being human.

-Angela Valenzuela

This episode is for every man who’s ever been told to “man up.”I sat down with writer and mental health advocate Nikhil Taneja to talk about something we don’t talk about enough: how the patriarchy is hurting men too! From emotional repression to performative masculinity, we unpack how outdated ideas of manhood are leaving so many men feeling lost, disconnected, and alone... and what real strength and healing actually look like. We cover: -Why vulnerability is a superpower -What healthy masculinity really looks like -How pop culture has failed our boys -And why men need safe spaces just as much as women do Share this conversation with every boy and man you care about! This episode of Shame Less with Lilly Singh is presented by my charity, Unicorn Island Fund. Follow us for BTS and exclusive snippets that won’t be posted anywhere else:   / unicornisland   Follow Nikhil: https://www.instagram.com/tanejamainh... Follow Lilly:   / lilly